DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE Five Languages OF LOVE?

DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE  FIVE LANGUAGES OF LOVE- JAMIE LEE CUTAJAR 

We can all agree that different people have different ways of showing someone how much they care about them. Some are all about expressing how they feel, whilst others show their sentiments through actions. Gary Chapman observed this for years in his work as a marriage counsellor; coining the term “Love Languages”. He then grouped them into five predominant categories which we will be looking into throughout this blog. This idea — that we all show and would like to receive love differently — is central to the concept of the five love languages, and without adequate understanding of these codes, couples often end up feeling unloved or frustrated in their relationships.

Whilst we are usually aware of expressing affection to our significant other/s, we don’t really take the time to evaluate whether we’re communicating it the way our partner wants to - or knows how to - receive it. Like most things, love can also get lost in translation and this happens due to the different love languages that each individual speaks. The love languages are different ways of communicating and receiving love. These are Chapman’s five styles. Which language is your predominant mode of communicating your love? Does it complement your partners? In which love language do you wish to be spoken to?

1. Words of Affirmation 
By definition, affirmation is the assertion that something exists or is true. Words of affirmation are any words or expressions that confirm uplift and support. Verbal acknowledgments are the way to go for someone with words of affirmation as a love language. Frequent “I Love You’s”, verbal encouragement, praise, compliments, or any form of social media engagement and/or texting is most certainly welcome. Written and spoken shows of affection make these people feel appreciated and understood. Someone that’s drawn to this love language believes that words matter and words help them give a literal voice to how they feel inside. 

2. Quality Time 
People who are drawn to this love language feel the most adored when they get to spend time with their partner. In essence, these people are always down to hang out. They also look out for active listening, eye contact, and full presence. Quality time is all about giving your undivided attention to that one special person without any distractions. No phone screens and no outside interference. They possess a strong desire to actively spend time with their partner, they enjoy having meaningful conversations and share recreational activities. These people are strong believers that by spending time with someone you deepen your connection.

3. Acts of Service 
If you value when your partner goes out of their way to make your life easier then this is your love language. We’re talking about things like getting you soup when you’re sick and making coffee for you in the morning. As the saying goes, these are the people who truly believe that actions speak louder than words. As opposed to those who prefer to hear how much they’re cared for, these people prefer to be shown. An act of service can be defined as a physical expression of a thoughtful gesture.

4. Gifts
Probably the most straightforward and self-explanatory out of all the five languages, these people feel loved most when given a visual symbol of love. Monetary value has nothing to do with this for most, but what matters is the symbolic thought behind the item. Those of us who form part of this category know how to recognize and value the gift-giving process and the deliberate and delicate choosing of the object to represent the relationship as well as the emotional benefits from receiving this present. 

5. Physical Touch 
Kissing, holding hands, cuddling, and sex is everything that people who speak this love language dream of. They want nothing more than to receive physical signs of affection. Physical touch and intimacy can be incredibly asserting and serve as a powerful emotional connector for these people. Psychological literature explains that the roots go back to our childhood and for some people, the only way they felt affection and love from their parents was when they were held, kissed, or touched. 

What’s the most common love language?
In 2010 Chapman analyzed the result of 10,000 people who participated in his online quiz and found that back then words of affirmation was the top contender however by a thin margin. In 2018 things changed and the most common love language was by far quality time. 
Love languages are an important tool to help us to enhance how we communicate and express ourselves to one another. They function as a great starting point that sets couples on a journey to understand each other, communicate better, meet each other in a more profound way and satisfy each others’ needs.