In this way, what we communicate to others, may serve as a language of self-love. The way we communicate undoubtedly changes as we grow older, but the content which that communication contains - although becoming increasingly complex as our cognitive and emotional capacity develops - remains rooted in many similar elements. One of the most core of those elements, is that of self-expression and the communication of our needs. Self- love may take on an array of forms. It may involve a walk in the countryside, a warm bath, a routine practice which we enjoy, or simply keeping away from that one person who brings out the worst in us and refusing to engage. Our voice, and more importantly, what we voice to others, is another big one. Bottling up that which we are feeling, and failing to let others in on our suffering, our rage, our frustration and our fear, and hence, isolating ourselves into the dark world of our emotional pain, will often lead to those pent up emotions, finding their release by resorting to self-harm and self-aggression – which is always counter-productive and creates a cycle of harm and destruction. Self-harm leaves us victim to guilt, shame, and ultimately, the return of the same painful emotions which we were trying to avoid to begin with. Communicating with a trusted one about this psychological pain can serve as a healthy release, whilst also engaging us in an act of self-love and compassion by ensuring that our struggles are being seen and recognized, hence, giving a voice and name to our pain. It is through this act of self-love that we may then, as we did when we were straight out of the womb, share the burden of our pain with others and find support in working towards meeting our needs and healing our self. However, a key component of this, is vulnerability. It is scary, it is baring, it is intimidating and yes, it involves a risk. But unless we are ready to take that risk, we are risking something far greater, and that is remaining alone, isolated and blanketed in our psychological pain, stuck in a loop of negative emotions and self-harming behaviour, which leads us right back to where we started.
There are things we can do however, to make this process easier and to help us communicate our feelings and needs more effectively. Here are some tips that may help:
Remember, we are all human. We are all vulnerable. We all have negative feelings. We all feel down and afraid and anxious at times. This is the human condition. You are not weak for having these feelings – you are simply human, and this is also what connects us in our common humanity. This is a language people understand, and you may be surprised that by sharing your emotional pain, you will strengthen your connection with the other person.
Do not fear letting that which lies within you free. Not through blood and physical pain, but through words. We are social beings by nature. We are not meant to deal with our burdens alone. Connection may be the key to saving ourselves, and there is no connection, if there is no communication.