Thriving from adversity you say?

 DANCING TO THE TUNE - RUPERT CEFAI

THRIVING FROM ADVERSITY YOU SAY - CHER ENGERER

​This is not another nauseating blog about what challenging and uncertain times we are living. This is an injection of hope – so read on! The beauty and wonder of humanity is that we - not only survive adversity- but, with the right mind-set, resources, and tools - can thrive through adversity. Yes thrive! So, let’s focus on how we can thrive through and after Covid-19 too.
By no means do I wish to minimise the pain, the suffering, the trauma. It is real and we will all need to grieve and heal in our own way and in our own time. There is real suffering in the world today –  all around us. I’m meeting people who are heartbroken from losing jobs or loved ones. There are people who have lost their homes or livelihood. Teenagers are anxious because they have lost their quality of life and social venting spurges. Relationships are struggling. Families are struggling. The elderly are lonely and worried. Professionals who work with people are working in constant anxiety and fear. Children are missing out on the beauty of touch, contact, play. We miss our people and our hugs. Businesses are struggling. People are tired and confused. Life is certainly not as it used to be – nothing is... and YET, if you are reading this blog it means that you have survived the first year of this pandemic and will probably live to tell the tale. 
​It also means that you are motivated to live, love yourself and find out ways in which you can go on. It means you are a person who says YES to life. This dear reader, is HUMAN RESILIENCE at it’s best, and this is what I wish to focus on today.

My grandmother, Mary, lived a long, full and happy life. She is my role model in many ways and I have lived mostly in awe of her resilience. Her generation were tough as old boots. They could really chew a tough steak, whether or not they had teeth, and rarely complained about anything. However, what they lacked – I feel - was emotional intelligence (EQ) and awareness. They lived by the motto that feelings were frivolous and unnecessary, and that ignorance was bliss. It was a good formula. It worked. Nanna Mary lost her father in World War II, looked after her widowed mother till her dying day, lived in a cave near a battle field (where her husband fought through world war II), lost everything and lived as refugees of war, widowed very young, bore and raised nine incredible children practically alone, had numerous miscarriages, lost children to illness, worked from home to sustain her family, moved homes a number of times, gave birth – at home - without pain relief (HOW?). All this, and yet, she was honestly carefree, happy, alive, vibrant, beaming much of the time. She loved life – didn’t even know what therapy or meds were (not that there is any shame in that). She joked, partied, laughed, played, loved and lived fully till her dying breath (literally telling jokes on her death bed). How did she do it?

I believe that, in this day and age, we have become more in touch with our emotions, with our psychological needs, with our conscious selves and we seek to live life more fully, not only externally, but also seeking the internal richness which emotions and awareness can bring us. We are also trying to raise our children in this vein. The shortcoming of this, I believe, is that with emotional awareness comes pain, and pain without resources, coping skills and resilience, causes an incapacity to cope and thrive. This is what has been fondly referred to as ‘the snowflake generation’, indicating that an overindulgence in emotional and psychological needs, leaves us disarmed, vulnerable and lacking in resilience and resourcefulness. This emotional awakening in fact, needs to be supported by new coping skills, new insight, new learning – designed to teach us that escapism and avoidance of feeling (The ‘Walk-it off’ approach) of our elders, is not the only way.

Research and experience has informed us that the human person is not only capable of surviving transformative trauma’s and challenges, but also capable - and has great potential for - growth after trauma, as difficult as that may be to conceive. There are simple psychological techniques designed to do this.

To start off with, write down a list of all the things that have gone well throughout the last year and how you contributed to that. What pleased you and served you? Allow me to present you also with some questions which may support you to develop a mind-set that will help you, not only cope, but thrive through this. You got this! Stand up tall. Feel your internal human potential – your internal human fire ... and take this head on. If you need a little help – we are here of course.

• How is this pandemic period serving you?
• What are you learning about yourself?
• How are you growing thanks to this?
• What meaning can you make from this period in your life?
• What internal strengths have you used to survive this? How can you make these bigger and stronger?
• What do you wish to have achieved when this is all over?
• What have you discovered through this last year?
• What would you like to take forward with you when this pandemic is done and dusted?
• The pandemic has taken a lot of your control away (true), but what do you still have the power to do and change? What steps do you need to put in place to make it happen?

GO GO GO