​Dealing with your first break-up?

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DEALING WITH YOUR FIRST BREAK-UP - GABRIELLE BARTOLI

Break-ups can be really tough especially if it’s your first love :-( You start to experience emotions that you have never experienced before and maybe do not even understand. Your heart feels crushed, you feel angry, confused, experience a shattered self-esteem, and maybe even jealousy all at once. It can feel like somebody died, leaving you with a great big gaping hole inside your chest. ​You can feel like you’ve lost half of yourself, numb on the inside, or like you will never love or be happy again. People might tell you that you are still young, that you will meet someone else, that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and so on.​​ 

These comments will probably not make you feel any better and you might also feel like you are not being understood. The good news is, we have all been there, and you will feel happy again, but it does take some time. If you are in such a situation, here are some tips for you:

1. Let It Out

• Share your feelings. Speak to someone you trust about what you are going through. Choose to open up to someone understanding of your thoughts and feelings and who is available for you. 
• Cry it out. Going through a break-up can be really tough, and crying is a means of letting it out. Crying is sometimes frowned upon and regarded as a sign of weakness, it is definitely not the case. It is ok to cry, it is actually a great release!
• Use a journal. Let out all your thoughts and emotions by scribbling them on paper, it is so therapeutic! Especially if there are things that you do not feel comfortable to open up about. You can also draw on it if that makes more sense to you.
• Exercise – Letting it out physically is another way to help you feel better. Go for a walk, jog, a workout, or any sport that you practice to blow off some steam.
• Music – Music is a great way to process your feelings. Find a playlist that you enjoy and you can dance and sing along to it. It doesn’t matter what you look or sound like, go to your room if you don’t want anyone to watch! Be mindful of what songs you chose, make sure they are feel-good songs. 

2. Be Kind to Yourself

• Remember you are good enough. When you experience a break-up you might start to blame yourself for what has happened and feel that you are not good enough. If you find this happening to you, remind yourself of your good qualities, you can even write them down in your journal to have something to refer back to. If you can't think of anything positive during this difficult time, ask your friends and/or family to remind you…I’m sure they will give you a long list! 
• Take good care of yourself. Get 7-8 hours of sleep daily, eat healthy food, drink enough water, and exercise regularly to decrease stress and feel better about yourself. You can also include some Yoga and Meditation in your daily routine to decrease your feelings of anxiety and sadness. Other self-care practices that might help you feel better are warm baths, a haircut or hairstyle, some face-masks or pampering etc. 
• Do the things you enjoy. Do something fun to take your mind off the negative feelings for a while. Whether it is going out with your friends, watching a movie, reading a book etc. 
• Keep yourself busy. Sometimes this is difficult when you're coping with sadness and grief, but it really helps. This is a great time to redecorate your room, cook something or try a new hobby. This does not mean that you should avoid processing and working on what you are going through, however it is great to distract yourself when you start to overthink and/or ruminate. 
• Give yourself time. Give yourself the time you need to process, grieve and heal. Everyone is different in the way we deal with hardships and the time it takes – so explore and find out what feels best for you. 

 
If you feel like the sadness is too great to deal with it by yourself, if quite some time has passed and you do not feel any better, if you are using alcohol or drugs to feel better, or if you feel like you want to hurt yourself or are already doing so - there is no shame in seeking help from professionals.